Emmys 2013 Red Carpet Live Blog! (LIVE Try Relay: the free SMS and picture text app for iPhone.)

I figured out a live blogging software! For your pleasure, below is the first part of my recap. There will be ANOTHER live blog for the telecast!

6:05- THE MANI CAM! God, what a time waster. E! is always so desperate to fill time with weird shit. Giuliana, as usual, looks like the Cryptkeeper with a bob and a million dollar ring (apparently?) I guess no one is here, because Ryan and Giuliana are talking about what THEY’RE wearing. So that’s happening.

6:07- Giuliana has a bodyguard, and she’s in the GlamCam360. She is still not nominated for anything, ever. She and Ryan also both love Nutella.

6:11- Heidi Klum’s dress is strangling her.

6:12- Betsy Brandt arrives, wearing Alice and Olivia, and Aubrey Plaza looks like an ice dancer who didn’t qualify for the Olympics. Jessica Pare, I’m pretty sure, looks fucking GREAT in a ruffled teal thing but I need a closer look.

6:13- Carrie Goddamn Preston, bringing it hard in a nude gown with a black border.

6:14- Zooey’s dress is kind of bizarre but is weirdly working for her? Luckily, Ryan Seacrest is here to analyze her Instagram Smurf selfies.

6:16- Sarah Hyland looks stunning in an emerald lace gown with a lace-lined deep V, and Zosia “Banjo” Mamet has a full on boob sling. She tells Giuliana that her dress was “made for her,” so she clearly has a sworn enemy.

6:20- Ryan Seacrest, part time weatherman!

6:24- Heidi’s dress still looks like it’s hurting her, but the color is really pretty and GOD her body is ridiculous. Elisabeth Moss has a pretty dress, a great camera wave, and a haircut that I would like on my head. Anna Gunn is wearing one of those weird dresses where one part looks like it’s eating the other part.

6:26- Eric Stonestreet joins Seacrest, looking quite handsome, even though he was weirdly snubbed for a nom. Padma Lakshmi has her headlights on and a weird crop top dress? Whatever, she’s really beautiful, she could probably arrive in Hefty and it wouldn’t matter. More importantly, why is Ryan Seacrest waving a tube of Crest at Eric Stonestreet?

6:33- Jesse Tyler Ferguson is wearing a lace jacket and “can’t rub up against anything.” Well, shit! The show is totally ruined! Also, the fact that Tony Kushner officiated his WEDDING is just about the coolest thing I’ve ever heard.