Even though they have reached the final season, and we will finally see how Ted Mosby Meets the Mother, rumors are abound that the popular CBS series How I Met Your Mother will have a spinoff, creatively titled How I Met Your Father. The series will focus on a completely different set of friends, but with the premise gender-switched, I guess. So, less a spinoff, more just a self-imposed ripoff. We’ll see if this actually comes to fruition.

Spalding. Myrtle. Both creepin’.

Well, Happy Halloween in Coven-land. I wouldn’t want to be a trick or treater in that version of New Orleans right about now.

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Sesame Street brilliantly parodies Homeland in this hilarious video. I want to watch a whole show devoted to Sheep Puppet Saul.

That’s right, another week, another bunch of stuff that happened. Here’s what you may have missed in the pop culture universe…

-Trailer for the new Captain America movie? Boom.

-Arcade Fire’s new album, Reflektor, is now fully streaming, even though it is being officially released on Tuesday. Expect a full review of the album come Tuesday!

-Michael Arndt, writer of Little Miss Sunshine and Toy Story 3, is no longer writing the new Star Wars film. Writing credits have been handed to director J.J. Abrams and original Star Wars scribe, Lawrence Kasdan. I’ll believe it when I see it.

-For those who care about such things, they found a new guy for that 50 Shades of Grey movie. Cool?

-Tom Hardy is playing Elton John in a biopic, Octavia Spencer is starring in the Murder, She Wrote remake. Guys, this week is weird, I think we’re done here.

This is the picture next to “perfection” in the dictionary.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT, YOU GUYS. The ante is up, the bar has been raised. This season is unstoppable. Let’s get into it. (Also, I’m going to have to start putting in spoiler cuts, because yeah.)

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Yes, I know that I really only link to Vulture, but in all fairness, Vulture is my hero. Anyways, this week they released their yearly list of the 100 Most Valuable Stars, with a few other lists explaining how they calculate such a thing, who fell off the list from last year (condolences to Blake Lively, Jaden Smith and Gwyneth Paltrow, which is probably the only time those three people will be mentioned in the same breath), and who they expect to see in next year’s rankings (what up, Anna Kendrick and Michael B. Jordan!). Really interesting stuff, you guys, if you’re a nerd like me and want to see actors analyzed like they’re stocks. Shut up, seriously, it’s fascinating!!

(Above are the top three. Don’t act so surprised.)

Horrible news for people who like laughing and Nick Offerman’s mustache. NBC has put Parks and Recreation on hiatus for basically the rest of the year. There will only be two episodes between now and January 9, and is planned to return on that date, but NBC may not hold to that.* The show’s viewership has never been stellar but this still totally sucks a butt. The weirdest part is that, as Vulture puts it, it was a VERY quiet and abrupt decision- it’s not being particularly well advertised. Hopefully this is a developing story. If it’s not and Parks and Rec is just canceled then I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

*Originally this article stated that there was no word on when the show would return to Thursdays on NBC; it is currently slated for January 9.

Let’s all pretend that Roundup and ICYMI aren’t the exact same thing. Whatever. I forgot to even do ICYMI this week so I think we can all probably overlook that. Glad we had this talk.

–The Fifth Estate bombs at the box office, with an opening weekend of just $1.7 million – which is, in fact, the WORST OPENING SO FAR OF 2013. Yikes. I guess no one wanted to see Benedict Cumberbatch in a Samantha Jones wig.

-This weekend, about 200 people gathered at an empty grave for Walter White’s fake funeral. There was a gravestone and eulogies and everything which is a little over the top but I know Breaking Bad fans are all one step away from needing rabies vaccines. (Said with love, Ben.) The event was a fundraiser for Albuquerque’s Healthcare for the Homeless, though, and it did raise $17,000. So all’s well that ends well.

-Last season, NBC cruelly axed Betty White’s prank show (which I didn’t know existed), but thank God, Lifetime picked it up for its third (?!?!?!?) season. I’ll file that under It’s Not News if No One Knew About It In The First Place, which is an overly long category title.

-This is a bit late, but Charlie Hunnam has dropped out of the Fifty Shades of Buttplugs film adaptation, apparently because he didn’t have full script approval, which I assume means he wanted to burn all copies of the scripts and books in a maniacal rage and never speak of them again.

-As a burgeoning Doctor Who fan (I just started the fifth season and I’m missing David Tennant already), I was pretty psyched to see that the trailer for the 50th anniversary special was released. Doctor Who fans are actually MORE rabid than Breaking Bad fans (the show has been around for fifty freaking years) so I assume a lot of people around the world are freaking the fuck out today.

-The most recent issue of the New Yorker has an absolutely glowing review of Lorde’s debut album, which I’ve had on repeat myself for a few weeks. She did just say no to opening for Katy Perry on her world tour (a little inside information) so she’ll be a really big deal in a month or so.

-Speaking of glowing reviews, the first reviews of 12 Years a Slave are so effusive that they seem a little ridiculous, but I guess it really is that good. We’ll do a review ourselves when one of us gets around to seeing it, since it’s the front-runner for the Oscars already. And it’s October.

-This weekend I read in a tabloid that Bruce Jenner wants to be a woman, which seems like a hilariously fake story, and that Dan Radcliffe smokes too much pot, to which I say, Jennifer Lawrence likes to drink wine and smoke pot so the two of them should hang out and I should probably go too.

More updates coming this week. I won’t say what they are because I don’t know yet, except for our weekly AHS: Coven recap. Cool!

The first of many diva-offs.

The ball started rolling last week, and it shows no signs of stopping. Between this show, Always Sunny, and South Park, Wednesday nights are bringin’ it, y’all.

So we open this week on two rednecks enjoying what is, apparently, a popular Southern past-time – “fishing” for alligators and then shooting them in the head. (Not PETA-approved.) Before our new friends, Muscle Tee and Tobacco Chew, can even string up their fresh kill, they meet our old friend Misty, last seen burning on a stake a little ways away from New Orleans. Powered by her Stevie Nicks soundtrack, she brings those gators back into the mortal realm and serves them a hot, steaming plate of redneck bros. Not quite up to last week’s horrifying slave torture reel, but a good opening nonetheless.

Back at Hogwarts, Cordelia’s waking the girls and Fiona for the morning meeting, but most of them are a little busy. Madison and Zoe are Googling poor dead Kyle, even though, according to Madison, “given your Black Widow status, he was living on borrowed time anyway.” Fiona, though, is getting way weirder. She’s still got Madame LaLaurie locked in her bedroom, who keeps screaming out of turn and loses her shit over a cell phone ring (on a weird non-brand smartphone- really, Fiona?). Eventually, the ladies make it downstairs, only to find two detectives asking Zoe some probing questions about her trail of murderbangs and the overturned frat bus. Luckily, Fiona arrives, tortures them a little, wipes their memories, and throws both of her bad baby witches into the wall with a flick of her wrist. As far as deus ex machinas go, Fiona’s the best. In the end, she reminds Madison and Zoe that “in the whole wide wicked world,” they have nothing to fear but her. Because yes.

In the meantime, we learn a little more about our favorite human voodoo doll, Queenie. Before enrolling at the Center for Teenage Witch Angst, she was a math genius slash fried chicken joint manager, who ended up under Cordelia’s watchful eye thanks to a little incident with a customer, a vat of boiling oil, her unblemished arm, and his extremely burnt one. Whoops. I can’t blame her though. Dude was trying to cheat another piece of chicken out of her. (Not to mention that she’s descended from a famous slave, Tituba, considered one of the first witches victimized in Salem. I’m sure we’ll get more about that later. Well, actually, I’m not sure. Ryan Murphy isn’t amazing at following up.)

LaLaurie tries to appeal to Fiona’s non-existent soft side, telling her how Marie Laveau cursed her with eternal life, hanged her family, and locked her up in a box to not-rot for all eternity, but Fiona’s not buying it. Nan puts a kibosh on their little sisterhood, though, by making LaLaurie get the hell out of the house, because she’s thinking way too much. (True Blood was right- it must suck to be clairvoyant.) And Fiona’s little protege, Madison, decides to thank Zoe for her kindly murderbang, and trots off to the morgue (Zoe in tow) to resurrect the unfortunate Kyle. Since his parts aren’t… all together (episode two and we’re already at severed body parts! Classic AHS!), Madison figures they can just Frankenstein this shit and match up the cutest arms and legs and biggest packages to create Uber-Boyfriend. Yeah, that can’t possibly go awry! Good plan, ladies!

The episode loses a little bit of focus with Cordelia’s subplot – this show is really trying to make Cordelia happen, but I’m still not convinced that she can possibly top Lana. Anyway, she and her husband (where did he come from?) really want to make a baby witch, but Cordelia’s womb isn’t having it. Her husband suggests magic, which Cordelia is initially against, but as we learn later, she caves and the two go at it in a ring of fire with snakes and blood everywhere and blah blah blah. On any other show, this would be really crazy and awesome, but voodoo queens and Jessica Lange and FRANKENBOYFRIENDS ARE HAPPENING so it’s really hard to care.

Madison and Zoe, meanwhile, have assembled Kyle and performed the necessary spells, but nothing seems to be happening. When the door rattles, Madison makes a run for it, and when an employee finds the stitched-up body with a bloody pentagram on his chest (nope, nothing out of the ordinary here), Kyle just starts beating the crap out of him. Good sign. He seems to listen to Zoe, though, who climbs into a car to stage a getaway, only to find Misty in the backseat. (Didn’t Zoe learn ANYTHING from Zombieland? Always check the back seat!) Misty, to the tune of her custom Fleetwood Mac soundtrack, takes Zoe and Kyle to her little hut and starts trying to fix him up, telling Zoe she was “summoned” by the necromancy spell. That also seems like a good sign.

And we finally meet back up with Marie Laveau, who is still alive and fabulous, because this show is entirely populated with the undead. Fiona pays her a visit to find the secret to her youthful visage, but ends up just setting a bunch of weaves on fire and threatening her. As powerful as Fiona is, I can’t help but think that threatening a voodoo queen isn’t a great idea – especially since Marie goes right to her undead and completely real minotaur for help. Yikes.

We got some good action this week, but we also got some very good set-up. We’ve got Misty, fixing Kyle for Zoe. We’ve got Marie, who is almost definitely coming for Fiona. We’ve got LaLaurie, wandering around smelling like rotted flesh in old-fashioned clothes, freaking out over cars and phones and whacking Queenie in the head with a candlestick because black people are slaves, right? While we were watching, my boyfriend pointed out that this show ends up throwing a climax into the middle of the episode and then laying the framework for either a crazy cliffhanger or more insane action next week. Either way, it’s working.

Great news, world. Amy Poehler and Tina Fey will be hosting the Golden Globes for the next TWO YEARS. Everything is going to be okay forever.