BEN: Well folks, the 71st Golden Globe Awards are this Sunday, and it’s time again to see what our good, dumb friends at the Hollywood Foreign Press Association will pick as the “best” films of 2013. Seen as something of a precursor to the Oscars, if nothing else, the evening will provide us with some fun speeches, and hilarious moments from our hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. But we’re here to talk about the awards! Who will win? Who should win? These are the all-too important questions that we as pop-culture guardians must discuss! How should we begin, Nina?

NINA: With the categories for Best Film, I guess? Both categories, because whatever.

BEST MOTION PICTURE

DRAMA

12 Years a Slave

Captain Phillips

Gravity

Philomena

Rush

MUSICAL OR COMEDY

American Hustle

Her

Inside Llewyn Davis

Nebraska

The Wolf of Wall Street

BEN: Are Her or American Hustle really that funny? Even Nebraska is a tad more somber than humorous. Go home, HFPA, you’re drunk. Be that as it may, with no competition from Hustle, Motion Picture-Drama is a close race between 12 Years a Slave and Gravity, with Slave having a slight edge.

NINA: Yeah, maybe we were lacking in great comedies this year, since most of those comedies, um, aren’t terribly funny. I’m betting that this is Slave‘s year, especially since it feels like Gravity came out years ago. In terms of “Comedy,” I would like to see Llewyn Davis take home something, but I’ll put my money on American Hustle. It doesn’t have the same controversy surrounding it that Wolf of Wall Street does, and it’s not as somber as the rest of the bunch.

BEN: Slave would be my choice too, but people do love Gravity, for good reason. My money is on Slave. I think Wolf is honestly the funniest of the bunch, and I’d love to see that walk away with the prize, but for whatever reason, people think Hustle is a good movie, so yeah, that will be your likely winner.

BEST PERFORMANCE IN A MOTION PICTURE-DRAMA

ACTOR

Chiwetel Ejiofor, 12 Years a Slave

Idris Elba, Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

Tom Hanks, Captain Phillips

Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club

Robert Redford, All is Lost

ACTRESS

Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine 

Sandra Bullock, Gravity

Judi Dench, Philomena

Emma Thompson, Saving Mr. Banks

Kate Winslet, Labor Day

BEN: How does the HFPA say Saving Mr. Banks is a drama, and Her is a comedy?! My brain, hurts, Nina.

NINA: I don’t have any answers, Benjamin. Well, in terms of Actor – Drama, I think this is absolutely Ejiofor’s year, particularly in this category(?). Not many other heavyweights here. Actress – Drama is, as we all know, is going to be a tight race between Bullock and Blanchett, who have been Best Actress frontrunners for months now. I find it kind of funny that they threw Winslet in even though Labor Day‘s press has been atrocious.

BEN: Well Winslet is a big name, and you know how the HFPA loves their celebrities on the red carpet! In any other year, I’d say this would be McConaughey’s to lose, his performance is masterful. But you can’t deny the powerful presence that Ejiofor brings to the screen. It’s his to lose, with McConaughey as the dark horse. And yes, Blanchett kills in her film, this is hers.

BEST PERFORMANCE IN A MOTION PICTURE-MUSICAL OR COMEDY

ACTOR

Christian Bale, American Hustle

Bruce Dern, Nebraska

Leonardo DiCaprio, The Wolf of Wall Street

Oscar Isaac, Inside Llewyn Davis

Joaquin Phoenix, Her

ACTRESS

Amy Adams, American Hustle

Julie Delpy, Before Midnight

Greta Gerwig, Frances Ha

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Enough Said

Meryl Streep, August: Osage County

BEN: Must I continue to yell about this?! August: Osage County is not a comedy!! Why must you do this to me?!?! That nonsense aside, the Actor race here is quite strong, with all (Bale aside) as worthy contenders to me. I’m having a bit of trouble picking a frontrunner here.

 NINA: Really?!? I know you hated Hustle, but Bale was pretty freaking excellent. In any case, I’m having trouble with a frontrunner too. Oscar Isaac seems too quietly tormented to possibly win for Comedy, but he was so damn good. DiCaprio was predictably fantastic in Wolf, but people never give him awards for anything!!

BEN: Don’t be surprised if any of them end up winning, but my vote is for DiCaprio, who kills it with his insanity in Wolf. For Actress, the popular choice would be Adams or Streep, so I’m sure one of them will win because yes. I’d love to see Gerwig up there though.

NINA: Yeah, I’m banking on Adams or Streep. But I always really vote for Streep, as you know.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Barkhad Abdi, Captain Phillips

Daniel Bruhl, Rush

Bradley Cooper, American Hustle

Michael Fassbender, 12 Years a Slave

Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Sally Hawkins, Blue Jasmine

Jennifer Lawrence, American Hustle

Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years a Slave

Julia Roberts, August: Osage County

June Squibb, Nebraska

NINA: I always find it weird that these categories are combined when the others aren’t. Whatever. Actor, I’m going to keep my fingers crossed for Fassbender. He was completely horrifying in Slave. Actress, well, I’d love to see my girl J-Law take some more statues home, and she’s the reported frontrunner. If not her, Nyong’o, a total newcomer who also blew me away in Slave.

BEN: I’m with you on Nyong’o, she was magnificent in that film, and she’s my choice for the award right now. If Lawrence won, I would be quite angry; she does not deserve an award for playing such a cartoonish character in that film. For Actor, I’ve got to go with Jared Leto, who is entirely magnificent in Dallas. The other nominees have got nothing against him in this category, it’s his to lose.

THE REST: BEST DIRECTOR/SCREENPLAY/ANIMATED/FOREIGN/SCORE/SONG

BEN: And again, we fall into the strange domain of categories that are here to add some “legitimacy” to the proceedings, but sort of follow their own rules. Like how “Screenplay” includes Adapted and Original, and “Song” can include things like “Please, Mr. Kennedy,” which, while a fun song, is sort of a mash-up of older versions of the song, so to call it an “Original Song” is a stretch. So, the obvious choices are Frozen for Animated, The Past for Foreign, and “Let It Go” for Song.

NINA: My complete lack of knowledge about these categories means I’ll agree with you. Director is tricky- it’s a stacked category. Russell, McQueen, Payne, Cuaron and, um, Greengrass? Okay then. I’d like to see McQueen win, but who knows? I feel like it’s kind of a toss-up. As for Screenplay, I’m just really pissed that the Coens didn’t get recognized for their impeccable, supremely layered script for Llewyn Davis, so let’s give it to Jonze because he only makes a movie once every 10 years and he kinda rocks.

BEN: I think McQueen will win Best Director, no doubt, with either Spike Jonze (Her) or John Ridley (12 Years a Slave) for Screenplay. For Score, Hans Zimmer for Slave, because yes?

BEST TELEVISION SERIES

DRAMA

Breaking Bad

Downton Abbey

The Good Wife

House of Cards

Masters of Sex

MUSICAL OR COMEDY

The Big Bang Theory

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Girls

Modern Family

Parks and Recreation

BEN: For Drama, it’s the big battle between Breaking Bad and House of Cards, since big contenders Mad Men and Homeland are absent from the proceedings. Given its recent Emmy win, Bad is the likely winner, which is fantastic in my book. For Comedy, using that same logic, Modern Family would be the victor, though there might definitely be some love for Brooklyn Nine-Nine, since it somehow made it onto this impressive list of comedy series.

NINA: The TV categories this year are straight-up weird. No Games of Thrones, Homeland or Mad Men; no Louie or Veep. I’m pretty confused about that, and that makes me kind of apathetic about what they did nominate. Sure, let’s go with Breaking Bad. It has momentum, everyone loves it, and now that I’m in Season 3 I’m starting to get it. Modern Family will inevitably win, but could it be Parks or Girls instead? Ben, I have to disagree with you on Brooklyn – I love it, but I doubt it can overcome the Bang/Family behemoths.

BEST PERFORMANCE IN A TV SERIES

ACTOR-DRAMA

Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad

Michael Sheen, Masters of Sex

Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan

Kevin Spacey, House of Cards

James Spader, The Blacklist

ACTRESS-DRAMA

Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife

Tatiana Maslany, Orphan Black

Taylor Schilling, Orange is the New Black

Kerry Washington, Scandal

Robin Wright, House of Cards

ACTOR-COMEDY

Jason Bateman, Arrested Development

Don Cheadle, House of Lies

Michael J. Fox, The Michael J. Fox Show

Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

Andy Samberg, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

ACTRESS-COMEDY

Zooey Deschanel, New Girl

Lena Dunham, Girls

Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep

Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

NINA: More weird choices. For Drama, the favorite is surely Cranston, fresh off the Breaking Bad finale. I’m practically ashamed of the HFPA for even NOMINATING James Spader over Jon Hamm, but whatever. The ladies are a total toss-up. I’d love to see Washington or Maslany win, but it’ll probably be Margulies. And since when is Orange Is The New Black a drama?!? Comedy is also pretty odd, but I’ll go ahead and bet on (UGH) Jim Parsons and Julia Louis-Dreyfus, both of whom are usually a sure thing.

BEN: I almost can’t be bothered with some of these choices, not a lot of stand-out roles here. I’ll go with Cranston, of course, and Maslany for her wonderful performance(s) in Orphan Black. For Comedy, I’m gunning for Samberg to pull an upset, and Julia has got this in the bag for Veep.

NINA: If Samberg pulls it away from Parsons, I will literally give you a million dollars. Anyway, yeah, not a lot of stand-outs here. It feels completely arbitrary, like they threw darts at a print-out of their Comcast guide and picked whatever show they landed on. And since we’re not covering Mini-Series – GO COVEN!

BEN: So stay tuned this Sunday for the Golden Globes, on NBC at 8pm, I’m assuming? We’ll be working on our minute-by-minute “live-blog” recap to share with you the lucky winners and, more importantly, the hilarious and dumb-founding moments of the evening brought to us by Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, and Hollywood at its drunkest.