Sassy Frank Underwood is sassy.

It literally refuses to stop being disgusting outside in the eastern half of Amurrica, but fear not – House of Cards went up on Netflix last week and the Olympics are almost over, which means real TV is going to come back. Silver linings!

-Vulture wrote a whole bunch of Oscar knock-knock jokes. Have I mentioned that this blog wants to be Vulture when it grows up?

-Superhero movie news: the cast for the Fantastic Four reboot has been kinda sorta announced, with four pretty excellent actor people: Kate Mara (House of Cards), Miles Teller (The Spectacular Now), Michael B. Jordan (Fruitvale Station) and Jamie Bell (um, Billy Elliot). Also, the first trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy came out, and it actually looks pretty… fucking great.

-Remember Pharrell’s giant hat? Made appearances at both the Grammys and the Oscar luncheon? It’s being auctioned off. Quick! You only have nine days to bid!!!

-Because she is the greatest, Elaine Stritch, aka Colleen Donaghy, said “fuck” on Today the other day and scared the crap out of Kathy Lee and Hoda. We should all hope to still be that BAMF-y when we’re 89 years old.

-In news that shouldn’t exist, Kid Cudi will play Ari Gold’s assistant in the Entourage movie.

-In news that should exist, there was a live read of Pulp Fiction at LACMA. Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Jordan Peele were Vincent and Jules, Seth Rogen was Lance, Jonah Hill was Pumpkin, Lizzy Caplan was both Honey Bunny and Mia Wallace, Rebecca Romijn was those two foreign bitches who bother Butch, Nick Kroll did a bunch of bit parts, and I literally cannot. That sounds AMAZING. I would sell my firstborn to be able to go back in time and see that.

–Lily Allen’s new album will be named Sheezus. In related news, Kanye West will be feuding with Lily Allen on Twitter in about 13 hours.

-Late Night News: Seth Meyers will kick off Late Night with guests Amy Poehler and Joe Biden (who should probably be on together, so that Leslie Knope can try and mack on the Veep), and Jimmy Fallon is already killing it with new viral videos from the Tonight Show, like Hashtags 2 with Jonah Hill and a sketch with Michelle Obama and Will Ferrell.

-Beck said no to writing the theme song for Mad Men a while back because he thought the show wasn’t really going to go anywhere. It’s okay, buddy. We all make mistakes.

-The powers that be are re-releasing a longer version of Anchorman 2 with more jokes (and presumably, much weirder jokes), because they still had SO much footage. This is what happens when you put four hilarious actors in front of a camera and tell them to improvise.

Have a good last full weekend of February, kids! We’re going to be really gung-ho about Oscar shit this week, so stay tuned.