We’re here with minute-by-minute coverage of the Oscars red carpet, starting at 7pm EST on ABC! Click the jump for the full scoop!

7:02 – Robin Roberts is kicking things off, looking pretty great.

7:03 – The sound mixing on ABC is awful. I don’t think their mics are really kicking in, and it’s really confusing Sidney Poitier.

7:04 – Important: Jared Leto’s hair is down.

7:05 – Viola Davis’ dress is a really great color, but not entirely flattering, and the guy interviewing her and her husband just kind of asked for a threesome.

7:07 – I had to switch back to E! because the sound mixing was too bad, and Jared Leto not only announced that he’s dating June Squibb, but he and Seacrest are twinsies.

7:09 – Is there no one to cover that Giuliana and Seacrest are saying hi to their moms?

7:15 – Benedict Cumberbatch was probably being very cute just now, but my dog is howling and the publicist behind him has a boob that is right on the verge of falling out.

7:19 – Jessica Biel looks pretty enough, but nobody cares if Justin isn’t there.

7:21 – Sarah Paulson is divine, but Sally Hawkins looks… not good.

7:23 – Cate Blanchett’s Armani is JUST weird enough to look great on her. I’m genuinely surprised she didn’t wear Givenchy.

7:26 – Camilla Alves is SO stunning, and McConaughey brought his mom AND his wife because yes.

7:30 – JENNIFER LAWRENCE FELL AGAIN. EVERYONE DRIIIIINK! I love everything about her dress EXCEPT the peplum thing.

7:33 – Cate Blanchett says that lady-driven films DO succeed in Hollywood. She rocks.

7:35 – When they said “Jonah Hill” I thought they said “Jon Hamm” so naturally I was disappointed at first, but his mom was really cute. I still wish his teeth had been nominated instead.

7:39 – Leonardo is a fine fucking wine. He just gets better with age.

7:43 – I love me some Chiwetel Ejiofor, especially with his real accent. Mmmm.

7:45 – Yadda yadda yadda kids have dreams and they came true.

7:51 – Jamie Foxx’s daughter has a fabulous dress with a fabulous leg-slit, but she covered it up because Jamie told her to.

7:53 – They’re showing a Fashion in Film retrospective instead of… showing us celebrity dresses. I find this confusing.

7:55 – ABC just did a red-carpet recap thing, basically, and Julia Roberts looks refreshingly good (well, better than the Globes), and Emma Watson and Sandra Bullock look straight up GREAT.

7:59 – NEVERMIND. Just saw the bottom of Julia’s dress. HARD PASS.

8:04 – Julia, past the age of thirty-five, you don’t get to wear a peplum anymore. ESPECIALLY NOT A STIFF, LACE ONE.

8:05 – Julia says, about her past dresses, “you live and learn.” Clearly, you have not.

8:15 – Whoops, and, I got distracted. I kind of thought the Smith-Jada-Smith-Pinkett-Smiths were separated, but she looks really great! Also, enough clip shows, ABC. I’M HERE FOR THE DRESSES.

8:17 – Sandra Bullock looks phenomenal. She’s wearing McQueen and I kind of want to marry her.

8:19 – It’s also hard to cover the red carpet when ABC is literally showing footage of RAIN CLEANUP.

8:19 – WE ALSO DON’T CARE ABOUT NEIL MERON because he is wearing a BORING SUIT.

8:23 – Well, Joseph Gordon-Levitt looks nice, and Kate Hudson is wearing some sort of cape thing?

8:27 – Okay, the Oscars are about to start, so I’m switching over. See you there!