Quickie: Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow Are “Uncoupled,” Which Is a Snooty Term for “Separated”

I guess the pressure of Kim and Kanye stealing their throne as “World’s Most Annoying Couple” was starting to get to them, because Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay frontman Chris Martin are separating, or, in their words, “uncoupling.”. I have to admit, I did NOT see this one coming. Is nothing sacred anymore?! (Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck had better keep their shit together.) Gwyneth announced the news yesterday on her lifestyle blog GOOP (yes, the one where she tells her readers to buy million dollar Hermes sweatpants, because she’s hopelessly out of touch with normal humans), and the site promptly crashed. Oh, well. What can you expect from a couple where the man is so irritating his own band once booted him from the recording studio even though he’s their lead singer, and the woman’s high horse is so high that she once said she would rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can? (I probably shouldn’t have written this Quickie. I sound really biased.)

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