ICYMI: May 9, 2014

Sorry for our absence last week, but I came down with a bout of sudden laziness. Onwards and upwards to this week’s brand new ICYMI!

-The GIF choice this week is in honor of Lana Del Rey’s new tracklist for ULTRAVIOLENCE, which she published in KANYECAPS. I’m not the world’s biggest Lana Del Rey fan, but I have to admit, “FUCKED MY WAY TO THE TOP” sounds pretty promising.

-Oh, and speaking of new music, Vulture is already trying to figure out which new hit will end up as 2014’s Song of the Summer. Please, please, just not “Happy.” No more “Happy.” It doesn’t make me “Happy.”

Amy Schumer gave an incredible speech this weekend at the Ms. Gala about body image and confidence, and though it was just as filthy as you would imagine, it was also earnest, touching, heartfelt and excellently written, so take some time out of your day to glance over it now.

-Unless you’re a weird pop culture nerd like I am, you probably don’t know that Upfronts are happening right now, where networks figure out where they stand and cancel, renew or pick up shows as they see fit. Here’s a sampling of the latest Upfront news: NBC has picked up Hellblazer, some kind of supernatural show, along with a Debra Messing cop drama and a comedy starring Cristin Milioti (How I Met Your Mother) and Ben Feldman (Mad Men); The CW has picked up four shows (ranging from The Flash to iZombie, a new series from the minds behind Veronica Mars) and has canceled The Carrie Diaries, Star-Crossed and The Tomorrow People; Fox has canceled Enlisted, Dads (HALLELUJAH) and Surviving Jack (sorry, Christopher Meloni, but you’ll get ’em next time); and ABC has axed Mixology and, so unfortunately, Trophy Wife, one of my favorite new shows of the season. More news to come soon, I’m sure.

-Rebel Wilson will star in a remake of the Goldie Hawn comedy Private Benjamin, which just sounds fucking awesome.

-Speaking of things that involve Rebel Wilson, Adam Devine of Workaholics, aka Bumper, will be back for Pitch Perfect 2, which has also added Oscar nominee Hailee Steinfeld to its cast. I would like to buy advance tickets to all of the movies, please.

-I would also like to buy tickets for all the Woody Allen, since Emma Stone has just signed on for her second Allen movie – she’ll be appearing in Magic in the Moonlight alongside Colin Firth and Marcia Gay Harden this summer and is officially attached to an upcoming untitled project with Joaquin Phoenix. Can anyone say “new muse?”

-We all saw this coming, but Orange Is The New Black has been confirmed for season 3 – Laura Prepon broke the news by Instagramming a whiteboard full of season 3 episode titles, and Netflix later confirmed it. Prepon, incidentally, is back as a regular for season 3, which means more Alex and Piper, which YESSSSS.

-This ICYMI is full of great things. If you watched any Late Night With Seth Meyers this week, you’ll know that Amy Poehler basically stole Seth Meyers’ credit card and frolicked about with it on both coasts and only gave it back after she donated $5,000, in her name, on his card, to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I don’t know if you’ve heard this before, but Amy Poehler is perfect.

-Matt Smith, the most recent ex-Doctor Who, will appear in the next Terminator movie alongside Emilia Clarke, who is obviously our Khaleesi on Game of Thrones. Commence nerd-boners everywhere.

-Terry Crews of Brooklyn Nine-Nine will be the new host of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, which is so random and hilarious and bizarre that I can’t even handle it.

-And finally, the apparently recently married Kim Kardashian JUST DISCOVERED THAT RACISM EXISTS, YOU GUYSand wrote a shitty essay about it, wherein she actually can’t seem to remember who Trayvon Martin is. What do you think she’ll discover next?! Global warming?? Homophobia?? Oil spills?? Gosh, I’m so excited.

This week, we swear we’ll write more original content. Maybe. Probably. Sure we will. So, yeah! See you for the Game of Thrones recap, at the very least!

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