Quickie: NBC’s “Peter Pan” Finds Its Lead: A One-Act Play by Ben Kaye

Lights up.

Three NBC executives sit in an office conference room.

EXEC 1: Alright guys, we need to figure out who to cast as our lead role for our musical version of “Peter Pan” this year. People made fun of us for casting Carrie Underwood in “Sound of Music” last year, so we gotta think differently.

EXEC 2: Well why didn’t people like Carrie Underwood?

EXEC 3: I’m guessing it’s because they’ve heard of her before? People like unknowns, underdogs.

EXEC 1: That’s good, that’s good! Ok, step one; find someone who people sort of know, but isn’t like, “really famous,” you know?

EXEC 2: We already have Christopher Walken as Captain Hook, so it all balances out! Perfect!

EXEC 1: Ok, so, in the grand tradition of this show, we need a girl playing Peter Pan. Anyone know any girls who could play Peter Pan?

EXEC 3: Well, there’s a TV show called “Girls.” How about someone from there?

EXEC 1: You’re on a roll! So, out of the four girls on that show, who looks the most like a pre-pubescent boy?

Pause.

ALL EXECS: Allison Williams!

EXEC 2: Boys, we’ve done it again.

EXEC 3: Don’t know how we do it.

EXEC 1: Another job well done. Now, let’s start planning NEXT year’s musical, “Sweeney Todd” starring Jim Parsons. We’re making magic here, guys!

End of play.

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