ICYMI: August 1, 2014

Happy Guardians of the Galaxy day and first day of August, y’all! (No, I have not seen it yet. I have a new puppy to deal with.) Since it’s raining, I had all afternoon to write ICYMI, and I’m just now getting to it at 6pm. Great!

-Remember our one-act play about Allison Williams being cast in NBC’s inevitably awful Peter Pan live thing? Brian Williams one-upped us by having the dadiest dad response of all dad time.

-Also, wondering why we chose an old Chris Pratt GIF today? Just kidding, you’re not. I’ve already mentioned Guardians of the Galaxy twice by this point and I’m only on the second item. Anyway, the post-credits scene stars a horrifying 80s human-animal hybrid movie star – you’ve been warned.

-A new poster for Tarantino’s upcoming movie, The Hateful Eight, has surfaced, which I suppose means he got over his hissyfit after parts of the script were leaked a while back. GOOD. We need a follow-up to Django that, well, isn’t such a hot mess.

-Iggy Azalea will be spending time in the actual fast lane, since she scored a cameo in the upcoming Fast & Furious 7, because when your racing movie is light on plot you can shoehorn in completely random celebrity cameos.

-James Franco, in his most entertaining art project yet, did his best to make Stephen Colbert break character by asking about his move to The Late Show – forgetting that the “Stephen Colbert” character was passed over for the job and is severely bitter about it. He obviously failed, because Stephen Colbert is STONE COLD COMMITTED. God, I’m gonna miss him.

-Speaking of “artistes,” Hilary Duff released a new song with an even worse video! Happy 2002, everyone!!!

-Let’s change things up and talk about people who are great. The incredible Jenny Slate will appear on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, because she’s the best and is already friends with the showrunner, thanks to her cameos on Parks & Rec as Mona-Lisa Saperstein. I can only hope this is actually a crossover and she’ll be appearing on Brooklyn Nine-Nine as Mona-Lisa Saperstein, who has moved to Brooklyn and is stealing coffee grinders from various Stumptown locations.

-The Into the Woods trailer has been released, and there’s no singing in it, but there IS Johnny Depp’s furry hand, plus a lot of very famous people with dirt smudged on their faces. And, MERYL. Duh. Bow down.

-Vulture had two great articles this week: first, they posted beautiful pictures of Orlando Bloom with shitty Bieber lyrics, in wake of Legolas (almost) punching him in the face in Ibiza this week; and second, they pinpointed the stupidest moment in Sharknado 2, which I haven’t seen, but apparently the dumbest part of a movie about shark tornadoes was when they pretended Tara Reid is literate, so.

Lorde will be “curating” the soundtrack for Mockingjay: Part 1, so since she’s 17, we can only hope the entire soundtrack is remixes of “Call Me Maybe.” Kidding- she’s definitely got better taste in music than that. But that’s what I would do if I got to curate a Hunger Games soundtrack.

Spike Jonze will guest star on Girls, in what is sure to be an extremely existential and lonely episode. (I just told my boyfriend this news and he grimaced and said, “Jesus, what a rough combo.”)

-And, finally, after winning an Oscar for his admittedly incredible performance as Ray Charles, Jamie Foxx will be playing boxer and noted rapist Mike Tyson, because I guess after Ray, there’s nowhere to go but downwards.

Ben and I will both be out of town next week, so no new ICYMI until the 15th, but keep an eye out for our pre-Emmys series, Make Your Case, coming this month!

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