Nina live-blogs the Golden Globes and gives her thoughts on the ridiculousness that is these crazy awards!
8:01 – IT BEGINS.
8:04 – Andy Serkis would have been GREAT as Reese’s backpack.
8:04 – Also, Emma Stone IS a Keane. YES.
8:13 – I was legitimately laughing WAY too hard to even write down half of those jokes, but the BILL COSBY ONES WERE SO GOOD.
8:14 – JK SIMMONS! Thank god.
8:18 – Joanne Frog wins Best Supporting Actress for Television Things and apparently she is on Downton? Who knew?
8:23 – Best Miniseries goes to Fargo! I… should watch that. Is it streaming anywhere?! HOW DOES THE INTERNET WORK
8:25 – Best Actor in a Miniseries goes to… Billy Bob Thornton?! We have our FIRST upset of the night, folks!
8:30 – Margaret Cho pretends to be a North Korean general, poses with Meryl with a “MOVIES! WOW!” magazine, and Keaton snaps the picture while Cumberbatch photobombs. This night will be so glorious.
8:35 – HFPA director gets a standing ovation because Charlie Hebdo. Yes.
8:35 – “Please welcome guy I would definitely still sleep with, Colin Firth.”
8:37 – We’re already at Actress, Comedy?! This escalated quickly.
8:38 – Best Actress in a Comedy goes… Gina Rodriguez! Holy shit!
8:39 – This is a night of crazy upsets. I love it.
8:40 – Best Comedy goes to… Transparent!
8:41 – Okay, did they seat EVERY winner at the back of the fucking room?!
8:42 – Jill Soloway thanks the trans community, dedicates her award to Leelah Acorn and her Moppa, and everyone cries a little bit. She seems genuinely fucking freaked out, and it’s pretty endearing.
8:49 – Theory of Everything wins Best Score, so whatever.
8:51 – A song from Selma won, but Everything is Awesome wasn’t nominated, so I am having a decent amount of trouble caring.
9:01 – Matt Bomer wins for Best Supporting Actor in a Miniseries, because he is wonderful, and my mom announces that she hates Colin Hanks with a passion, which makes me laugh very hard.
9:04 – “No one wants to see me insult any of you rich, beautiful, overprivileged celebrities.” – Ricky Gervais
9:05 – Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical goes to… Amy Adams! Her dress is fucking FAB.
9:07 – Amy Adams is very unprepared for her speech, looks great.
9:14 – Salma Hayek, who is pretty short, still looks huge next to Kevin Hart.
9:15 – Best Animated Film goes to… NOT THE LEGO MOVIE I’M ALREADY DONE FOR TONIGHT.
9:19 – Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy had better go to Patricia Arquette and it goes to… Patricia Arquette!!!!!!!!!
9:26 – Tina and Amy are back with Margaret Cho thank God.
9:28 – Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig’s bit is too long, but they’re very drunk, so.
9:30 – Best Screenplay goes to Birdman! Hooray!
9:32 – The speech that followed was indecipherable.
9:35 – Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin are so fucking delightful.
9:36 – Best Actor in a Comedy goes to, predictably and wonderfully, to Jeffrey Tambor.
9:39 – Tambor thanks the trans community for letting him be a part of the change. Everyone tears up.
9:44 – Against all odds, Lupita looks amazing in that bodice.
9:46 – Best Actress in a Miniseries goes to… Maggie Gyllenhaal! My girl!
9:48 – I’m wine drunk and sleepy.
9:54 – Best TV Drama goes to… The Affair? Really? REALLY?!
9:59 – I REALLY don’t care who wins Best Actor in a Drama because no Jon Hamm, but please no James Spader.
10:00 – Best Actor in a Drama goes to… Kevin Spacey!
10:04 – Am I the only one who finds Kevin Spacey super irritating in Cards? Maybe it’s just that I don’t really like Cards.
10:09 – Julianna Marguilles and Don Cheadle give Clooney a pretty awkward introduction. Amal looks BEYOND over this, because everyone is applauding for nothing.
10:13 – George Clooney’s montage rolls for the Cecil B. DeMille award, and nobody brings up Batman & Robin, which I frankly think is a HUGE oversight.
10:14 – The Cloon, Crown Prince of Hollywood, gives a wonderful speech. As he does.
10:19 – Clooney, formerly also the Eternal Bachelor of Hollywood, goes on a bit of a spiel about how much he loves Amal and how proud he is to be her husband. She tears up, as does the world. And let’s all continue to remember that, realistically, she’s kind of way more accomplished.
10:23 – I haven’t written anything in a while because THERE HAVE BEEN NO AWARDS.
10:24 – I am actively stressed out about Richard Linklater potentially not winning here.
10:24 – Best Director, Motion Picture goes to… Richard Linklater!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10:26 – “Married couple, Anna Faris and Chris Pratt!”
10:27 – Best Actress, Drama goes to… Ruth Wilson? Dude, why is The Affair the most popular kid in the room tonight?
10:33 – We are just speeding things along here. WHICH IS FINE. I’m feeling over it.
10:33 – Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical goes to… Michael fucking Keaton fucking YESSSSSS!!!!
10:38 – So much Batman tonight, you guys.
10:45 – Best Motion Picture, Comedy goes to… (please Birdman)… Grand Budapest Hotel, which is the ONLY one that I’m happy to see win over Birdman. I do still feel pretty confused, though.
10:48 – I’m admittedly a little disappointed that Robert Downey Jr. didn’t hit on the entire audience, as is tradition.
10:50 – There hasn’t been nearly enough of Tina and Amy, and no one is drunk enough. Is this over yet?
10:51 – Tina’s tux is growing on me, though.
10:52 – Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama goes to… Julianne Moore, wearing a fucking fabulous piece of bling! She’s been criminally under-recognized by awards for most of her career, so, delightful.
10:54 – Gwynnie, looking a bit peaky.
10:54 – Best Actor, Drama goes to… Eddie Redmayne, in the least surprising win of the entire night.
11:00 – Meryl is here to bring this home. It’s okay, everyone.
11:01 – Best Motion Picture, Drama, goes to… BOYHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!
11:02 – Linklater turns his speech over to his financial backer. Smart.
11:03 – And, I’m done here! Tune in tomorrow for Ben’s and my thoughts on the telecast!!