In which Ben and I gossip about the Golden Globes, the drunkest night of all!*

*After St. Patrick’s Day. And New Years. And the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. So… after most days.

B: Another year of drunk celebrities, surprisingly heartfelt speeches, and Ricky Gervais always being there despite not hosting, the Golden Globes happened again yesterday! And they weren’t….awful, wouldn’t you say?

N: I mean, they weren’t exactly GOOD. Not enough Tina and Amy, and a lot of left field awards – some great, some meh, some downright infuriating. I was pretty underwhelmed by most of it. Also, no one was drunk ENOUGH. They were just really sweaty because the AC was broken.

B: If nothing else, this year’s Golden Globes were all about Very Serious Speeches. You’ve got your winners talking about major social issues (Common, Jill Soloway, Jeffrey Tambor), your winners talking about their own personal inspirations (Kevin Spacey, Michael Keaton), and then you’ve got Jared Leto and George Clooney keeping the serious tone with their rallies of “Je Suis Charlie,” with Clooney even wearing a button on his suit that expressed the same sentiment.

N: And Very Emotional Speeches! Everyone got really personal, most people cried, and everyone who won generally seemed really jazzed about it. And, as far as TV goes, that was for good reason – EVERY single TV winner last night was a first time winner!

B: And as far as deserving winners go, TV was about half-and-half. We got great shows like Transparent and Fargo getting their due, plus a lovely surprise in Gina “Jane the Virgin” Rodriguez getting probably the highest praise for a CW show ever. But then of course, I’m sure there were other TV winners you weren’t so happy with….?

N: I resent the idea that The Affair is somehow better than any of the other dramas on television, including Game of Thrones, Good Wife and the un-nominated Mad Men. I’m happy to see Transparent win, of course, but we need some new categories for TV awards in general! Transparent is many wonderful things, but it is rarely ever hilarious. Neither is Orange is the New Black most of the time. Or Louie, for that matter. Can we get a Dramedy category up in here, please? I would say the other big upset last night would be Billy Bob Thornton beating not one, but BOTH men from True Detective, which I guarantee no one saw coming.

B: But enough about the weirdness of TV. Let’s talk about the weirdness that is movies! There weren’t too many surprises in the film categories, with Michael Keaton and Eddie Redmayne winning in their respective categories, and Julianne Moore, Patricia Arquette, and J(ust) K(eep) Simmons prepping for their potential Oscar speeches in February. The one “surprise” would be Amy Adams winning for Big Eyes in a gloriously uncompetitive category. I’m of course most upset by The Lego Movie LOSING Best Animated Film to How To Train Your Dragon 2, which is just egregious. EGREGIOUS I SAY.

N: My favorite word! It is, however, the exact right word. The Lego Movie is so far and away the best movie this year, but the HFPA is legitimately on crack 100% percent of the time, so I’ll have to pull a Frozen and “Let It Go.” (That reference is already dated.) As for Amy Adams as the sole surprise, you’re absolutely right – I was hoping for the other resident redhead, Emily Blunt, to emerge victorious, but it was nice to see Adams win since the Actress in a Musical or Comedy category just seemed full of talented ladies who are probably getting shut out of the Oscar nods come Thursday. The other big thumbs-up as far as movies was concerned was the other semi-upset – Grand Budapest Hotel surpassing Birdman for Best Comedy – and, of course, Boyhood won everything else, because obviously.

B: I was pleasantly surprised by Grand Budapest’s win, being the Wes Anderson nut that I am. And again, as I remind myself every year, These Awards Don’t Matter. Past Best Drama winners include The Social Network, Babel, and Avatar, none of which went on to win the Best Picture Oscar. Does this mean Boyhood could lost some traction and Selma could end up winning come Oscar night? Well, we’ll have to see what those Oscar noms look like on Thursday.

N: We need to consider that no screeners of Selma were even SENT to the HFPA, explaining its lockout last night – so it remains huge competition for Boyhood at the Oscars. Let’s move to the telecast itself, which… was weird, overall. My queens Tina and Amy hit the ground running in their opening monologue, leaving no star un-burned, with an especially sick Clooney-roast (which he and Amal appeared to love, incidentally) and some particularly vicious, and warranted, Cosby jokes, but then where did they go?! They were barely in the telecast (unlike last year, when they played delightful fake nominees), and when they did show up, they always had Margaret Cho with them, who left a lot to be desired for me.

B: The Margaret Cho bits were slightly amusing, and their opening monologue had a few wonderful jokes here and there. I do agree that I’m upset that Tina and Amy weren’t featured more in the telecast. We did get to see Ricky Gervais again (my personal favorite Globes host, just saying), who always wonderfully reminds us of how ridiculous these proceedings are. Also, Prince. Prince. That pretty much speaks for itself.

N: Right, but Ricky Gervais, at this point, is kind of like the kid who keeps visiting his old college even though he graduated way too long ago. That being said, he was WASTED and it was awesome. And, yes, Prince, but that brings me to another squabble – we had two Batmans (Batmen…?) being honored tonight and he couldn’t bust out a few notes of “Batdance?!?!?” COME ON! (I was also a little chagrined that Nipple Batman was left out of Clooney’s montage, as it’s obviously his most important role to date, but we can’t all get what we want.)

B: Don’t worry, we’ve got Batffleck to help us out with our dumb Batman desires later this year. That seems like a good way to end things off. Now let’s get these Oscar noms so we can actually take things SERIOUSLY. Um…..MORE SERIOUSLY.

N: And we’ll be discussing those noms (hmm, I’m hungry) on Thursday! See you then!