THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN MOVIES THAT MAKE ME HATE MOVIES

  • A shot of the protagonist doing something stupid/embarrassing with a voiceover of them saying “This is me. I know, right?”
  • Employing a voiceover device, and then dropping it halfway through the movie.
  • Most voiceovers, to be honest.
  • A movie set in the past with characters speculating about “future” technology, ultimately saying something like “Yeah, like THAT will ever happen.”
  • That moment 2/3rds of the way through the movie where two characters have a rift in their relationship, and they wallow in sadness via a montage set to a fucking Ben Folds song.
  • Farts. Just…farts.
  • When a dog/baby does that thing where they are somehow embarrassed for the protagonist so they cover their face up as if they understand the concept of shame. They don’t. They are a dog/baby.

American Horror Story Recap: Out, Damn Spot

(I’m the WORST. Sorry for the late recap, but better late than just skipping it and moving directly to next week’s, right?)

Ultimately, here’s my issue thus far with Hotel – I feel like I want to make a bunch of sassy snap judgments about how this shit is already off the rails and I don’t really see where up it can go, but at the same time, it’s only the second episode and I feel like I should give Murphy the benefit of the doubt. In answer to your inevitable follow-up question, the answer is no, I never learn my lesson where Murphy is concerned. Let’s do this.

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