But really, why do all these award statuettes have to be nude?

“Listen up, Fives, a Ten is speaking!” is what the Screen Actors Guild says to all the other film guilds (Directors, Producers, Writers, etc.) when it comes to predicting the winners of the Academy Awards. The acting branch of the Academy is the largest voting block so the results of the SAG Awards are a good indicator of how those same actors will fill out their Oscar ballots. The SAG ceremonies have NO host, NO performances, and seemingly NO alcohol on hand so they’re really on must-see TV if you’re as big of an awards nerd as me. And, if you’ve read this far, you probably are, so stay tuned for my predictions for who WILL win and who SHOULD win one of those hunky, mask-holding statuettes.

TELEVISION

Ensemble, Comedy Series
Will Win: Blackish
Should Win: Orange is the New Black

Blackish is officially getting too good for awards folk to ignore, but OITNB had its best season EVER. But really as long as Modern Family or Big Bang don’t win, it’s cool.

Ensemble, Drama Series
Will Win: The Crown
Should Win: Stranger Things

While I fear that Stranger Things is being deemed too “genre-y” to be more than an awards nominee, it seems that The Crown checks literally all the boxes to be a major awards magnet. It gon sweep.

Male Actor, Drama Series
Will Win: John Lithgow, The Crown
Should Win: Sterling K. Brown, This Is Us

Sterling K. Brown deserves this simply because he isn’t going to win for The People vs. O.J., but John Lithgow is on The Crown (and really good as Churchill) so he got this. Maybe for season two Lithgow can use this and all the other statues the show wins as Churchill’s cane.

Female Actor, Drama Series
Will Win: Claire Foy, The Crown
Should Win: Millie Bobby Brown, Stranger Things

Don’t feel too bad for Millie Bobby Brown (is she related to Sterling?). If she doesn’t win, she could definitely just take award from whoever does with her bad ass telekinesis.

Male Actor, Comedy Series
Will Win: Anthony Anderson, Blackish
Should Win: Tituss Burgess, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Both of these comedy dynamos don’t have nearly enough (any?) statues for the great work they’ve done. I’ll be fine if either wins. But Tituss sings a lot, so that’s really all you need to do to impress me.

Female Actor, Comedy Series
Will Win: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Should Win: Ellie Kemper, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Ellie Kemper brought the human drama to her typically wacky performance on Kimmy, but sadly she’s up against JLD. Veep is slaying the game to a ridiculous degree right now. Uzo Aduba has won twice, but, for once, she was not the sole tragic center of this season of Orange. RIP [SPOILER]. (By the way, you’re welcome for not spoiling that)

Male Actor, TV Movie/Miniseries
Will Win: Riz Ahmed, The Night Of
Should Win: Courtney B. Vance, The People vs. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story

The Internet is telling me Riz Ahmed is going to win, and that’s after the Globes told me that Courtney B. Vance is no longer a lock for this category after his Emmy win. So, I’m just jumping on all the band wagons here.

Female Actor, TV Movie/Miniseries
Will Win: Sarah Paulson, The People vs. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story
Should Win: Sarah Paulson AND Audra McDonald, Lady Day at Emerson’s Bar and Grill

What can I say about Sarah that Nina and I haven’t crazily texted each other in ALL CAPS? She is 1,000,000% going to win her 1,000,000th prize for this show. But there’s really no better time for a tie to happen so that she and Audra can share the stage and discuss how brilliant they each were.

Stunt Ensemble
Will Win: Daredevil
Should Win: Daredevil

Literally the only one of the nominated shows I’ve seen.

FILM

Cast in a Motion Picture
Will Win: Moonlight
Should Win: Moonlight

Best ensemble ever? Maybe. Best of this year? Without a doubt. If by some chance Moonlight does not take this top prize, you can probably kiss its chances for the Best Picture Oscar goodbye. And that would really fucking suck. Manchester, Hidden Figures, and Fences are also VERY strong, buuuuut no, it’s Moonlight for sure.

Male Actor, Leading Role
Will Win: Ryan Gosling, La La Land
Should Win: Denzel Washington, Fences

I smell a backlash brewing. Two to be exact. Casey Affleck’s sordid past is quickly and surely catching up to him, and actors are maybe the only group brave enough to deny him an award. Some people are for sure getting sick of La La Land, but how can actors deny Goslings’ and Stone’s  characters’ (unrealistic) starving artist narratives? Answer: They can’t.

Female Actor, Leading Role
Will Win: Emma Stone, La La Land
Should Win: Amy Adams, Arrival

I can’t say more because, if I do, I’ll get upset all over again about Amy Adams not getting an Oscar nomination for Arrival. I LITERALLY CANNOT!

Male Actor, Supporting Role
Will Win: Mahershala Ali, Moonlight
Should Win: Mahershala Ali, Moonlight

No competition. He’s perfect.

Female Actor, Supporting Role
Will Win: Viola Davis, Fences
Should Win: Viola Davis, Fences

No competition. She’s perfect.

Stunt Ensemble
Will Win: Captain America: Civil War
Should Win: Captain America: Civil War

Although I haven’t seen Hacksaw Ridge or Jason Bourne, I’m just going to assume that Civil War is the best movie in the bunch here. And why the hell is Nocturnal Animals nominated? The only stunt involved in that movie was done by the audience: Not falling asleep.

Tune in to the Screen Actors Guild Awards airing this Sunday January 29th on TBS & TNT!