Scandal Final Season Premiere Recap: It Takes Two

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I will be in denial about this show ending until the credits roll on the final episode. I’ve been so much in denial that it took me this long to watch the first episode of Scandal season 7. BUT I finally did and I have some things to say about it.

I’m going to do my best to keep up with Scandal recaps for this last group of episodes because I love this show so very much! Last season put the show back on track to bring this dark and twisty and murdery journey to a satisfying conclusion. ]

ICYMI: Mellie’s POTUS. Cyrus is the Veep. And Olivia is the boss. What could possibly go wrong?

Now, watch me recap “Watch Me” and know that if computer screens could show tear stains, every one of my Scandal recaps would be covered in them.

Pluses, or Voltaire. Hair. Personally, I Would Like to Talk about Hair.

The promos for this season foreshadowed the majesty of the amazing do that Olivia was going to be rocking this season, but I WAS NOT ready to handle it. Olivia has stomped down countless hallways over the course of this show, but she has probably never been more of a force of nature than she was in the opening scene of this episode. I’m pretty sure that “Fight the Power” is actually the sound her luscious locks make as they bounce on her shoulders. Keep it up, hair department. Plus 50,000 points.

Loving the yearbook-esque new title card. Never change, Scandal! KIT! Plus 600 points.

Another plus 2,000 points and a shout out to the music department. Their cues were truly on point in this episode. My favorite besides “Fight the Power” was “It Takes Two” as Olivia put both Mellie and Curtis Pryce in their places (VERY different places, more on that in a second) with a pair of delicious monologues.

Speaking of Jay Hernandez’s Curtis Pryce…DAYUMMM! What a fox! I know that the makeup from Suicide Squad won an Oscar and all but those artists should really have been locked up from burying that man’s beauty underneath all those stupid tattoos. I am so grateful that we skipped the Will They/Won’t They storyline and went right to Olivia using the Secret Service as her own personal sex smugglers. You know, the same thing she was soooo pissed at Fitz for a few seasons back. But can you blame her when the forbidden hottie is Jay Hernandez? I’m all about his character as long as he doesn’t replace Sally Langston as Scandal‘s premiere shit talking talk show host. Plus 10,000 points.

It’s probably silly to give him points because he wasnt in the episode, but did anyone else miss Fitz as much as I did? Maybe his absence triggered the same separation anxiety that we’re all feeling for the Obamas these days. I have no clue, I’m just hoping that giving him these points will lure him back to the screen some time soon…preferably without a shirt. Plus 700 points.

Total: 63,300/The value of Olivia’s hair in gold

Minuses, or B6-13 Reasons Why Olivia Would Make a Terrible Secretary of State

I am beyond over the sad chronicles of Jake “Booty Call” Ballard. When he first joined the show, he was an exciting complication for the fraught relationship between Olivia and Fitz. But ever since Olivia started preaching the “walk in the sun” gospel, Jake has been her pathetic sexual lap dog. If I ate a fistful of Smartfood popcorn every time we have had to sit through them having the “I thought this was casual” talk while Jake stands frowning half naked in Olivia’s bedroom, it would be even more popcorn than I would normally eat watching this show. And that’s saying something. Please, Olivia, mean it this 5,000th time you’ve broken up with Jake. PLEASE! Minus 5,001 points.

Olivia had a lot of amazing moments this episode. My favorite was when she destroyed that one rude Senator for not voting for the Vargas free college bill with the ol’ “hot envelope” routine. But the greatness of that moment was cancelled out by the fact that was actually willing to murder a child to blackmail the ambassador from Bashran into freeing the CIA hostage. I mean, I guess I forgot the whole thing with Olivia recreating B6-13 in her own image and what she did was some serious B6-13 realness, but come on. Forget the black hat, the only thing on the head of a person who would do that to an innocent kid is a pair of red horns. Minus 7,000 points.

David was completely justified in doubting the viability of Quinn Perkins & Associates. And you know who did NOTHING to prove him wrong? Quinn Perkins and her associates. They ran right to Olivia for help in finding their client’s father. And Olivia single handedly saved the man in spite of President Grant’s wishes. I love Quinn’s hilarious cravings, but “pregnancy brain” is not a good enough excuse for her to be falling short as Olivia’s heir. Minus 1,500 points.

Cyrus was also the subject of many a Liz Lemon eye roll as I watched this episode. Yeah, he did the right thing in the end. And, yeah the delusions of grandeur planted in his head by that female senator were revealed to be Olivia’s own twisted machinations she employed to test his loyalty to Mellie. But it pissed me off how he weathered the storm of Fitz’s sassiness for years without plotting to usurp him, but immediately started to turn on Mellie after Olivia (in his mind) slighted him. It has taken a lot to get Mellie to the oval and I will be damned if she loses it at the moustache-twirling hands of Cyrus Beane. He needs to listen to “Run the World (Girls)” on repeat and adjust his attitude to gratitude. Minus 4,000 points.

Total: 17,001 points/2 of Jake’s blue balls

Solid start for the season! Cannot wait to see the consequences of Olivia and Mellie’s mishandling of the hostage situation this episode. And, folks, I think we’ve got a gala/ball episode on our hands. And what would a season of Scandal be without another gorgeous dichromatic Olivia gown to add to the pantheon?

Until next week!

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